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The Defacto Bill of Rights

Number 79 - April 1996

The Radical Individualist
Jeffrey Deboo, Editor/Publisher
1442-A Walnut Street #64
Berkeley, California 94709

  1. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, except to mandate explicit reference to the Christian God on the currency; or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, aside from oddball cults - whom the Attorney General and the FBI may freely smear in the mass media and then wipe off the face of the Earth; or abridging the freedom of speech or of the press, except in the case of pornography, hate speech, movies containing excessive violence, or any other form of expression which somebody somewhere may find offensive or disquieting.
  2. A well regulated militia of free men being an intolerable menace to the totalitarian designs of the State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall apply only to those people employed by the Organs of State Security, and of course to muggers, rapists, burglars, gangsters, and other criminals who don't obey other laws and can't reasonably be expected to obey this one.
  3. No soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house without the consent of the owner, since it's much easier to just seize the entire house if the Authorities really want it for something (see Amendment 4).
  4. The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be construed in such a way as to prevent the Authorities from seizing any property which they may believe, infer, suspect, imagine, or assert to be in some way involved with anything whatsoever to do with drugs, money laundering, or tax evasion.
  5. No person shall be subject for the same offense to be twice put in Jeopardy of life or limb, except in cases whereby the mass media and public opinion hold his acquittal to have been a miscarriage of justice, in which case he may be retried on Federal charges as many times as necessary to secure a conviction, or in case of parole violation whereby the convicted may be subject to re-incarceration as many times as the Authorities deem necessary to ensure rehabilitation; nor shall any person be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, except when the Authorities grant him selective immunity from prosecution to force him to do so, then find some legal technicality enabling them to use the information thus gained against him anyway.
  6. In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, except where there are interminable delays due to the system being clogged with victimless drug cases, and shall be entitled to the assistance of counsel for his defense, although the Authorities may seize and confiscate any assets, without due process, that he might otherwise use to afford such counsel (see Amendment 4).
  7. In suits at common law, where the value at controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved; however, persons accused of rape, child molestation, and other sexual offenses whereby it is generally recognized that no one is ever falsely accused, may be tried and summarily found guilty by the mass media.
  8. Excessive bail shall be imposed to keep persons who are obviously guilty behind bars until the Authorities can get around to trying them, or in such cases of suspected parole violation whereby the Authorities, regardless of evidence against the accused, may completely deny bail; cruel and unusual punishment shall not be inflicted, except as required by both State and Federal mandatory-sentencing guidelines.
  9. The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the Authorities, including the right to control economic activity through taxes and regulation, the right to impose mandatory racial and gender favoritism, the right to collect and monitor vast amounts of personal data on citizens on the pretext of the Census, the right to arbitrarily bar citizens from visiting certain foreign countries, and other rights which it may occur to the Authorities to decide they currently have.
  10. The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people; however, any State which attempts to enforce this provision by seceding from the Union in the face of flagrant violation of its sovereignty by the Federal Authorities shall be subject to invasion, militarily occupied , and razed to the ground at the discretion of the President, while any lesser attempt by any State to assert its rights under this Amendment shall be punished by occupation by the National Guard, withholding of Federal Funds, or other means at the disposal of the Federal Government.